Your Life Doesn’t Want You To Hate It

According to a survey, by Florette Fruit (the former PR in me knows this makes sense but still…random!) has discovered that two-thirds of British women are “completely bored” with their lives. These are women like you, they have great jobs, families, social lives, gym memberships etc, but apparently they don’t have enough to keep them from mentally flatlining.

It seems that a lack of variety amid the daily routine, not enough of a social life and too many pressures at work are the main bones of contention for the nation’s women.

Well, I’m here to venture something. In psychotherapy circles, it’s often said that boredom is powerful defense mechanism. I remember a supervision session back when I was training and, as a group we spoke about what’s going on when the therapist feels bored in session with a client. There’s no hard and fast rule, of course, everyone has their own unique experience of what’s happening but I thought about it and applied it to a session I had had recently with a client. I had definitely felt bored…disengaged and struggling to really connect with the client. I realised that some of my own stuff was getting in the way of the work. I was allowing the boredom to defend against some painful things that I wasn’t fully aware of as they were coming up in the session.

Of course, I took this to my supervisor, explored it and moved the block the boredom was throwing up. The result was at the next session I had a powerfully moving session with the client, I became a better therapist for acknowledging the boredom and taking the time to figure out what it meant for me.

What is your boredom telling you? Is it a defense against engaging in life, jumping in and accepting that life is unpredictable, scary and anxiety provoking?

You might be thinking that’s not the sort of thing a therapist should be saying, but actually I say it to all the brave and courageous women who make the leap to start working with me. I can’t cure you of life. No one can. Life will continue happening to you whether you’re engaged with it or not. Absolutely the worst thing you can do is to retreat from it, to try and build in measures of safety and security AKA duty. Living a dutiful life is the absolute opposite of living an authentic life. It’s a life that’s mapped out, that’s full of shoulds and oughts and have tos. Sounds…boring.

I would hazard a guess that the boredom going on in this situation is a defense against what it takes to live with courage. It’s masking a warning bell that’s sounding somewhere in the background. You can’t hit the pause button, you won’t get a second chance, that boredom is defending you against a sense of anxiety that you’re not living a life that’s really authentic, that’s as “you” centered as you can make it, a life that’s totally aligned with your values.

Don’t waste another minute with that type of boredom, listen to what it’s telling you. If you’re not sure and you want to explore it some more, book a free complimentary 30min exploration session with me today.

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