The Oughts or Other Words I’d Like to Have Banned

Following on from my post about the word can’t and why I dislike it (didn’t see it? You can read it here), I’m going to talk about a few other words I’m really not a fan of -

• should
• ought

Both of these words are judgmental, lack compassion and limit choice. Much in the same way as “can’t” does. Listen carefully for how judgmental these statements sound -

• I should exercise more
• I should eat more fruit and vegetables
• I ought to be riding my bike to work
• I ought to be putting more money into my pension scheme

Lordy…does that sound like the pointy finger of judgment to you? It totally does to me. As with sentences that use the word can’t in them, I find myself wanting to ask “well, why aren’t you exercising more/riding your bike to work/eating more fruit and veg/putting more money into your pension scheme”. Once you start asking questions along those lines you start to see how using the words should and ought subtly limits your perception of choice. You don’t have to do any of those things. Truly, the only person who’s going to be effected by any of those decisions is you. Doing any of those things is completely up to you.

Let’s try the same statements with different words to see how radically different they sound -

• I would like to exercise more. I know the endorphins will lift my mood
• I am not going to eat more fruit and vegetables because I hate them
• I’m scared of riding my bike to work
• I will put more money into my pension scheme. I want a comfortable retirement

Same statements but there’s much more ownership of the feelings that go with each of them. A way less judgmental, and to my ear at least they sound so much more compassionate and gentle than the statements with should and ought in them. There’s an acknowledgment of your choice in each example…obviously I don’t recommend the second one but I totally respect the honesty! You hate fruit and veg! Fair enough! At least you’re honest about it….yay you!

But seriously, 5-a-day people. Five-A-Day!

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